The things i am doing can take me in one direction or another. One is good and one is bad. I dont know which direction to take.
When things are said, they cant be unsaid. I once cared a lot about him and had many feelings for him still, but they just need to realize that i take things seriously. They need to understand that what they say is hurting me and making me upset. Not to the point where i'm crying, but it hurts.
Then Eric is making things harder than they need to be. I smile and try to say hi to him and i know he sees me, but he never does anything back. I feel like he doesn't care. He told my friend that he likes me and thinks I'm cute, but if that is all true he should prove it. He needs to prove it. If he doesnt then i have nothing to believe. He calls me cutie once. I ask to hang and he says sure, but when i comes to that day he doesnt respond. Why is that? Does he just say yes to shut me up or something. These are questions i want answers to. I would ask him, but how do i do that when he wont even talk to me. Now i get he doesnt have a phone at the moment. but i havent talked to him in 15 days. I used to talk to him every 2 or 3 days. This is killing me, because i really miss talking to him. I feel like it is all a game. The game idea sounds so familiar. Where they say they like you when really they don't and you find out its all a joke. I swear i feel like i am going to get hurt by him just because i dont know whats going on in his mind. He doesnt respond to my messages or say hi to me at school or even smile back. If he doesnt like me then he shouldnt lie and say he does....
Then the other guy returns in my life after three years. we barely even talked back then to begin with. he always talked to my friend and i just happened to be there with her. dirt bike guy could be his nickname. We used to watch him ride his dirt bike. That was really fun. I remember how i used to have a huge crush on him and how i obsessed over him. Then i moved on because he moved and i got the hint. Now he likes me. I dont understand anything anymore. When i liked him he didnt like me and now he likes me and i dont know what i feel. He says hes really happy we are talking again. I mean i guess thats good. "Gorgeous blue eyes".There are a lot of stories that may or may not be true about him. They are mostly all bad. He says he wants to give me a hug but i gotta stop being so shy around him.
I just dont know what i want to happen next. One choice can either make everything right or destroy everything. Now i have two choices and i can only pick one. Just one not two because two makes everything confusing. Both are good i guess. now i really really like eric, but do i really know how he feels....no. I say no because he doesnt act like he likes me and he doesnt show it. if you like someone they will catch you looking at them, smiling at them and vise versa. They will say hi and ask you to hang out. He doesnt do that. Nothing good is happening with him in the new year of 2014. Then the other choice can lead somewhere good, but i doubt it. If the stories are true then its just like the senior i once hung out with....which didnt lead anywhere good. But if it led somewhere good i dont know what i would do.
So that leaves me with a choice to make. Nobody knows what i am going to do. I can say one thing though i will have made my decision by Friday January 17th....
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