problems.

I try not to talk about the issues i have and problem i have going on in my life right now.Plus who would i even talk to, to discuss any of it. Like i said before i have two people in my life, my boyfriend and my mom. I can't talk about it with them because my mom will judge and he will just not know what to say. I first got her to except my boyfriend a couple weeks ago and now i have to tell her this, which wont be anytime soon. This is all confusing and im not really sure what to do.

i get it i really do

Ive made a lot of choices this past year.i wish i could take them back but i cant. Some people say if you want something to change then you have to take action. I just feel like it would be pointless because if they wanted to talk to me they would have. Theres not a day that goes by where i don't think of how things could have been. I lied to a lot of the people who were close to me but it was because i wanted to do things my way and not hear what they had to say. I wanted everything to go my way, only to learn things dont always go as planned. I pretty much lost all my friends. I talk to none of them and they dont talk to me. I have nobody really. Ive just been stressing out a lot lately and that isnt healthy or good. My boyfriend is All i have right now. Me and my mom are getting along better but i mean it still needs work. They are the only two people i talk to. Im either in my room all day or outside with my boyfriend. Ever since i met him he has been the first thing on my mind.i care so much for him and would do anything for him. I can at least be somewhere Monday nights now that i belong to a fire station. Ive been saying some stupid things lately but i think its because my hormones are wack, but the thing he says makes me mad. When i say the stupid stuff he says "sometimes i feel bad for that kid inside you, just because of the shit you say." Hes right and the truth hurts. Ever since i told him i talked to the guy in jail we bicker and i dont like it ,neither does he. Truth is if it wasnt for this kid and my boyfriend i wouldn't be breathing. I have nothing and no one. Thats why i take our relationship so seriously because it cant break apart.his dad doesn't really like me but we are working on it. Im just trying to make things work.

Im sorry to those i lied to you, pissed off, made you feel like i didnt care im sorry.

He will always be my handsome man :)

i just cant go through this again....i cant.

I love him more than anyone ever could. He means the absolute world to me. Losing him means i lose everything and everyone because i dont have anyone. The last time something like this happened was two months ago 3 days before my birthday when this girl claimed to be dating him. Now this girl is saying shes his girlfriend. Post on facebook said:

her: excuse me? i am his gf
joeseph guy: U kewl. Didnt know he had one! Here comes the drama,save it for yo momma. I will delete my comment just for u Adams gf
her: thank you.you dont have to.leave it
joeseph: Make sure he treats u good woman!
him: Always
Her: i am sure he will
him: And always will
him:I know I will :)
joseph:That's what I like to hear!
her: i know you will too baby :)
him:Yes I will babe
her: :)

that shit kills me inside it kills me. because i dont know what to believe anymore. All i know is that i have the right to take his kid away and not let him be involved. Im not that much of a bitch though, but i can be if he continues to push my limits. 

Stupid Me.

I'm absolutely the dumbest person on the entire planet. I fuck everything up. I didn't know that she wasn't even in the car. I didn't know she was behind the drivers side back tire. I didn't know. I didn't know. I wish I never sent him a letter and that I never talked to him in the first place because then my boyfriend wouldn't be mad at me right now.

I wrote this guy in jail a letter asking if it was my bfs fault and all. And I continued talking to the guy in jail for two months. I should have known it wasn't my bfs fault. I had to tell him I wrote the guy in jail a letter because the guilt was eating me alive. Then he tells me all this stuff making me upset and cry. He yelled at me. And said about how I didn't know that that guy fucked his girlfriend the night she died. And that he had to see her body outside the back of the car behind the tire with her blood on the tree. His girlfriend who was 3 months pregnant with his child. I didn't know that instead I talked to the guy who was at fault for it all And continued developing a friendship with him and was actually beginning to get close with him.only to find out the whole time I should have trusted me bf. Plus it was none of my business because I didn't know any of them. Do it wasn't even my right to know any of it.  I had no right to contact the police officer or send the guy in jail a letter. I had no right to do any of it. It was wrong of me. So I understand why he's mad at me. I actually understand.

update:
we are okay now. he let his anger out and i calmed him down. he said even though i told him that he could never be mad at me since im giving him something he had lost. We are happy and im more than happy i can see him and be with him everyday.

what is going on.

so last night he unfriends me from facebook and the last time he did that was two days before my birthday. That makes me stress out...like a lot! I have absolutely no idea why he deleted me. If its because he friend liked my picture on instagram or because he poked me thats stupid and not a reason to unfriend someone. He didnt snapchat me at all after 5 last night and thats not like him. We normally snapchat or text until like 3 in the morning. Somethings up and i dont know what. I going up to hang with him for a week and to get my room ready up there, but still this is weird. I wanna wait for him to snapchat or text me first today, but i need to talk to him to find out what time he wants me to come up there. This sucks like it really does. If i knew the reason why he unfriended me then i could fix it. There are just some things he does that i dont understand. We were on such a good path, he finally got a job working with his dad since we need money. Im proud of him for stopping smoking cause thats not something easy to do. Nothing is making any sense right now. It stresses me out a lot because the last time he unfriended me was because of another girl and thats when he broke up with me for 2 days. After the two days he realized he made a mistake and wanted me back. I do not know exactly what happened between him and her but im trying to push that aside. I love him to much to give up on him and stop trying. I will never stop fighting for him just because we would have a little fight. Those little arguments make a relationship stronger if you push through them.