I thought that by trying to make him miserable wouldn't make me still have feelings for him and would make me feel a little better. Truth is I feel even worse. I have cried so much at night for the past to days I just wish I could go back and make it so I never met him. I just don't wanna feel like this anymore. NOTHING I do makes me feel any better. I'm hurt, broken and don't feel like I can be fixed. He has to know it's me who is making his life miserable, but I really don't think he knows. I tried doing something bad and I just couldn't do it because then I wouldn't know if things would ever change. Over this GUY I have tried to overdose, cut, and more. I just can't find a way to relieve my pain. I feel like my heart is being ripped out and stabbed repeatedly ever day. My life is crap right now because I can't find a way to relieve my pain. Everything is going wrong.The only reason why I wanna do all this stuff to him is because I wanna have a memory of that. I don't wanna have the memory of trying to do all that bad stuff, because that's not good.
People are always saying "Don't kill yourself over a guy". There right you shouldn't do that. I don't look forward to waking up every morning knowing it will be another day that I don't talk to him. That hurts like crazy. I MISS him so much, its unbelievable. Thing is he probably hasn't thought about me once. I just feel like falling in a deep sleep and never waking up :'(
I can't do this....I can't deal with the pain....I just can't.
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