Today....

Well today was the first day I started acting like the REAL me and not the FAKE me. I just was myself for once. When I got to school I felt horrible because I still was full of so much pain. My best friend gave me a hug which made me feel a little better. Then when we started talking about happiness I started to tear up because it brought back a lot of memories and I just couldn't hold it back. I teared up so much today. When normally I would just keep it all bundled inside of me.....and have the pain trapped inside me. Then I felt a little bit ok until I went to one of my classes with my one friend....she brought him up. As soon as she said his name I lost it and started to really tear up because of the pain inside. I really miss him.....but can't do anything about it. A couple of my friends made me feel a little bit better, but when they said I need to let go in my head I said "I tried....I've really tried". Like they don't understand how much I have tried to move on and forget it all. He isn't a good guy for me, my friends are right. But for some reason I can't shake the feelings I have for him. The feelings are just to strong.